Posted by: thescoundrel | August 20, 2007

theScoundrel Bravely Defends Against Deadly Insect Invasion

After much anticipation I received the big call today. The transplant organ for Big Green had arrived! So I rushed down to the store and picked it up. Ecstatic that I had Big Greens replacement part in my possession, I decided to multitask and whipped up to WalMart to pick up a few grocery items to feed my-soon-to-be-chosen-lucky-assistant chair repairman. That is when events took a change for the worse. I blame it on the Wild Cherry Pepsi I chose for my traveling companion instead of my usual jug of Mt. Dew! I opened the door of Black Beauty and much to my surprise a malevolent mosquito invaded my vehicle. I was anxious as the thoughts that sprang into my mind of the multitude of possible toxins it might carry and attempt to infect me with. Also I speculated at the possibility that it might breed it’s Iowan infections with some evil Illinoisan mosquito creating some superinfectious disease which would then be named after me or even worse get me involved in some secret government plot to breed military grade venomous mosquitoes designed to take over the rest of the free world. Which would eventually force me to be anonymously interviewed on Coast-to-Coast AM or Jerry Springer. I instantly sprang into action! I carry no poisonous sprays in my vehicle (no sense getting the SPCA or Green Peace after my hide also) nor did I happen to have anything available to use as a swatter. So I was left with one of the weapons that God had wittingly designed by birth, my hand. Okay so in my case maybe he did not do such a great job of designing, after all I am the posterboy for not being able to hit the broadside of a barn with anything! So I start trying to smash the evil critter with my hand as it flees around the inside of Black Beauty at incredibly high speeds, probably approaching the sound barrier. I thrash with my hands at the worthy opponent always just missing the dastardly satanic insect. (Note to self and readers: do not swat with chocolate/oily-covered hand near large glass van windows.) After about my eighth swat at the beast I swerved my head from a direct kamikaze style buzz at my skull only to notice smears appearing on my windshield. Worse! I also noticed in my peripheral vision a spectator to my enterprise, OUCH! Now being a life-long bachelor and noticing a pretty young twenty-something blonde female staring at me would normally be an opportunity to flash a smile and do a male mating ritual performance. But instead of a chance for an impression I was in the unenviable position of having the real me exposed. 😳 Hopefully she wasn’t carrying one of those cell phone cameras where I find my episode posted on you tube or some other video blog. Anyway I stumbled into Wally World in a mortified manner, purchased my items and drove home. In all the embarrassment I lost track of that vile insect. Now I also have to worry about federal charges of hauling a hazardous insect across state lines! I guess it’s on to the next mission and see whom I can con, err., I mean whom I can persuade to help me do the surgery on Big Green.

Even worse the Cubs lost Monday’s rain delayed game with the Cardinals 6 to 4! 😥



  1. I lose my wallet, you bravely fight off a mosquito. Everyone has their own problems! 🙂 Thanks for the comment by the way!

  2. This is what I like about you scoundrel—you are charmingly eccentric!

  3. Thanks for visiting BCB. Yeah I have wrangled a wallet or two in my lifetime. Them little doggies do have a tendency to wander away from camp.

    Eccentric, QCEx? 😆 I suppose that is the nicer way of putting it!

  4. […] Wally World searching for “Just for Men” in Irish Red ? Well, at least there were no killer insects to fight with on the way home! Sigh ! Maybe I will just turn in early tonight or watch some […]

  5. Hello

    We only use natural solution when we go out or for indoor, we dont use DEET as a example, it works, but I dont trust it.

    We found skeeterpatch on http://www.mosquitorepellent.EUits a patch you place on yourself, then the mosquitoes can not smell you and it works.

    just a tip, have a great day.

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