Posted by: thescoundrel | September 8, 2007

My answer to Osama: or the Top Fifteen Reasons I Reject His Demand to Convert to Radical Islam!

It seems Osama bin Laden has issued his celebratory 9-11 anniversary tape and is offering the USAmericans the choice of annihilation or converting to his radical version of Islam. I have given his generous offers all the consideration they deserve and offer him my personal reply I title the Top Fifteen Reasons I Reject his Demand to Convert To radical Islam!

15. Long Beards make me itch!

14. I look Dumpy in Togas, Turbans and Robes!

13. I am not interested in 72 virgins after I die, I’ll be too old to enjoy them, I’ll settle for that cutie I just chased down the supermarket aisle instead!

12. Staring towards the east in the afternoon hurts my weekend party eyes!

11. I like Pork, despite a little bit of Jewish blood in my veins!

10. I like my women dressed in miniskirts and tube tops not burquas and veils!

9. I prefer living in modern comforts and life over your twelfth century poverty and flea infested strife revisionist colony!

8. I object to beheading and stoning as methods of punishment and I object to punishing women for getting raped!

7. Despite Chicago and Blagodabitch’s attempt to neuter the State of Illinois, the US second Amendment states I still have the right to bear arms to shoot you with!

6. The 1993 World Trade Center Bombing!

5. The 1996 Khobar Bombings!

4. The 1998 US Embassy bombings!

3. The 2000 Bombing of the USS Cole!

2. The 2001 Terrorist Attacks on the New York World Trade Center!

And the Number ONE reason I reject Osama bin Ladens threat:




  1. Of course the United States in particular, and “the West” in general, have many advantages and weapons which can give us confidence that we need not bow to their demands. Osama bin Laden underestimates us and does not understand our strengths. But I find it curious that you seem to think our nuclear weapons are a valuable weapon against such a foe. We are a good target for nuclear weapons and rightly fear Osama bin Laden getting ahold of a nuclear weapon and using it against us.

    On the other hand Osama bin Laden is NOT a good target for our nuclear weapons, similar to the way that a spider on your living room wall is not a good target for your deer rifle.

  2. I do not think bin Laden underestimates the US at all. I think he and his cronies understand the culture very well from this last message and the way he has attacked out country continually at home and abroad. And each attack gets nastier and more personal as he explores his targets for vulnerability. If anything, I think our country tends to underestimate him. He has made his intentions clear from his very first attack –> extermination or conversion to his brand of faith. He has stated that his War will last as long as it takes. He stated and understands that he may have to sacrifice his life and an untold amount of lives of friends and family to win his holy war. And he has stated that unlike the in the West – one of his greatest assets is if a son dies, they are expendable, he will produce another one to replace him. We on the other hand are too busy infighting on how to exterminate the bastard that we make no progress. Bin Laden and his followers are vermin. When dealing with vermin there can be no rules because they reproduce and infest faster than you take them out. And I do not underestimate the damage that his suitcase nukes can cause. Nor do I underestimate the worse damage he could do should he get control of Pakistan’s arsenal if we should lose our extremely taut alliance with that country. Nor do I misinterpret the power of our nuclear arsenal. The one true fact about nuclear war is that there will be no winners only losers. But that is the fact that the radical bin Laden disciples not only do not care about but worship the thought of, by becoming martyrs through its process. Our strength has always been to carry and display a big stick and hope we do not have to use it. It was what worked for Kennedy during the Cuban missile crisis. Our current arsenal strength does not lay in the precision targeting electronics built in them. But lays in the fear of our will to use it as a total regional and if necessary more worldwide death and destruction lasting past the lives of children of the children of the targets and those surrounding and enabling bin laden and his followers to hide in the open, that lives in our arsenal. In the hope that those in their society intelligent enough to recognize the dangers of long term nuclear affects and not supportive of bin Laden’s philosophy can overcome their fear of bin Laden’s shadow warriors that come in the night to slit the throats of their families. If not it is almost inevitable that bin Laden will use biological or nuclear suitcase on our soil for he has no fear of dying or sacrificing the lives needed to win his jihad. Our strength in our arsenal lays in the knowledge by the world that if we are forced to use those weapons everybody loses as the doomsday clock strikes midnight.

  3. thescoundrel,
    I guess I must have greater faith in our strength and resources than you, because I do not believe that it will ever become necessary for the United States to threaten world-wide nuclear destruction in order to not be defeated by the likes of Osama bin Laden. As the police in Germany have just shown modern law enforcement methods and techniques are quite capable of preventing terrorist attacks. It was not necessary to make the people of Pakistan or Afghanistan fear that we would drop a nuclear bomb on them in order to thwart this most recent or any terrorist attack. We do not need to convince the world or ourselves that we are capable of or likely to be more ruthless and destructive than our enemies in order to not be defeated by them — in fact it is necessary that we NOT become like our enemies because if we ever become like them then we will have been defeated by them.

  4. Dave what we have done with our catching of a few would be terrorists is swat a few immature flies. Very few of the terror suspects that have been caught were top flight trainees but most were home grown wannabes. The Internet makes these dangerous types of terrorists more common but they are not the caliber of the hidden more advanced trained terrorists cells that are at bin ladens command. And bin Laden has been avoiding capture through two administrations and twenty years of terrorism actions. We destroy sites and kill disciples and he rebuilds. And our military strength is great but the enemy uses tactics that neutralizes those strengths. They hide in places where you cannot go. They hide in the open among a culture that both worships there cause and fears their knives. they hide in caves where our air power can’t get at them very well. And they hide in terrains that are dangerous for our military to enter. They hide in places where our military would suffer a huge disadvantage in combat. And the large reward we have out on bin Laden is like offering them pork for dinner. About the only use they would have for it, was if it was paper that they could burn for fire wood.

    As to my post on nuclear arms, the whole concept of nuclear deterrent and first strike capability is instilling fear in others. If your enemy assumes you will not use them, they offer no deterrent. Without that fear they are expensive useless pieces of polluting trash. And if you get to the point you have to use them you have already lost.

  5. “And the large reward we have out on bin Laden is like offering them pork for dinner. About the only use they would have for it, was if it was paper that they could burn for fire wood.”
    Seems to me there’s a contradiction in your portrayal of what they’re like. On the one hand, they’re Internet savvy and potentially possess the capability of building and detonating a nuclear device in a suitcase. On the other, they all live in caves and know little of paper money, would find use for it only to start the fires they squat around in the mountain redoubts.
    Well, they had to *buy* those computers and video cams, not to mention plutonium on the black market. They didn’t barter yaks for them. Osama himself knows what paper money looks like, to say the least. I don’t think that’s the reason no one has sold him out.
    I’m just pointing out that there’s a lot of mythology surrounding them.

  6. You misunderstand what I am saying. I am not saying bin Laden or his followers do not understand large cash amounts. His followers are unlikely to turn on him. They are mostly zealots. He is wealthy or at least he used to be. And his followers are taught well. But he is hiding in the mountains amongst the poorest of the poor. I am saying most of those whom he is hiding among in the mountains are likely poor uneducated villagers isolated even from their own country with little use or understanding of the wealth we are offering. They would be your best hope but they are unlikely to understand the reward being offered, if they would even turn in him in the first place. I have been part of an isolated poor community in the US and very few extremely poor people are well educated and even here in the US many poor people that are also isolated, probably would not believe in or even trust in the delivery of a similar reward. I have known people that would laugh at you for offering that kind of money simply because they would not know what to do with the money even if they received it. And I have had relatives that probably would point their shotgun and then show you the door for suggesting they turn in a relative or friend for a reward.

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