Posted by: thescoundrel | November 21, 2007

Return to That Most Joyous Day of the Year


Yes, Thanksgiving is upon us. Another year is rushing towards it’s demise. Christmas is looming and for those of us still procrastinating on buying those special someones those special gifts (Do gas stations offer gift certificates?) the time left to shop is about to become limited and congested. And as you eagerly anticipate receiving the return of the gift that keeps on giving, Grandma’s Fruitcake (you should have sent Moon Pies and Nutty Bars. Ya can’t go wrong with Moon Pies and Nutty Bars, they create a state of nirvana leading to accolades towards the cheap gift-giver!) you sent to your almost favorite relatives last season: I am following the holiday spirit lead of the Major Broadcast Television networks and offering up a rerun of my first ever holiday post from last year! Try saying that run-on sentence, without taking a deep breath! So here in my best holiday leftover spirit is the post from last Thanksgiving week titled, That Most Joyous Day of the Year:

As I sat back this week in my overstuffed recliner with my weary mind and eyes focused on the tasks ahead, my tired feet propped up and gleefully dangling in the air, a 24 oz. bottle of Diet Mt. Dew firmly gripped in my bear like paw and preparing to enjoy one of my favorite Quad City media sources, called The Dispatch, the reality that the Holiday celebrations that will fill us all with “JOY AND LAUGHTER” (I am painfully aware of this spiritual growth because every “Joyous and Laughter” season I am reminded by an onslaught of titillating National Debt Proportion spending of Internet, newspaper, radio and television commercials; all designed to generate this feeling so I will SPEND-SPEND-SPEND) is upon us, fell out on my lap! (Whew! Okay any of you still out there; BIG exhale, breathe’in-breathe’out-breathe’in naturally through the nose. Now back to my current 2006 epiphany.) Yahoo, no not the web giant, the hillbilly version of goody-goody-goody! Yes, one of my favorite shopping sites, Farm and Fleet, had actually managed to get me their After-Thanksgiving advertisement a full week ahead of Thanksgiving. This immediately brought joy to my heart as it reminded of that most celebrated and anticipated Holiday of the year, NO NOT Christmas, Black Friday! It has become such a phenomenon that there is even a web site, curiously enough called Black Friday, that offers up to we the consumer, many of the Black Friday Advertisements for your consumerism activities.

Yes Black Friday, the most anticipated Holiday of the year. That day following Thanksgiving when you can see General Managers and CEO’s across this great nation allow smiles of happiness and tears of joy to roll down their normally Scrooge-like scowled faces. It is their time of cheer and good will as they happily listen to the cha-ching of the cash registers, to the tune of Cash-Check-or Credit card please, as the merry (and some not so merry) After-Thanksgiving overly carb-fueled shoppers rush out to fill their mini-vans and SUVs with the many shopping treasures made available for their use and consumption in exchange for some of their hard earned cash! Oh the joy we Samaritans shall bring to the deprived souls of these Scrooges as we splurge our cash and dignity to purchase the treasures made available to us and start the push of their net gain profit out of the red-line loss margins and above into the black-line of profit. Many of us will be dragging our nearly carbed-comatose selves out of bed at hours we never thought possible. Though in years past that meant arriving at the store of choice an hour early or so, the mega-giant box stores have changed that pattern. The MegaMonster 24/7 Box stores like Wal Mart have upped the ante forcing the other retail stores to follow their lead and thus those of us wishing to strike purchasing item gold will have to beat the Just-Say-No to flying-south-for-the-winter-birds out of bed. And so instead of reaching for that snooze button on the alarm clock, that we all reset the maximum amount of times mechanically allowed during the workweek, many of us will instead force our weary bodies from bed and stand in line with the rest of the early bird shoppers hoping to be one of the few chosen ones to get their hands on those last few ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ wannabe and bargain items. I say to you all, have fun!

But buyers beware! Many of the scoundrels of the market will lure you to their stores with the promise of unbelievable opportunities for items, preying on your lustful spending urges to get a bargain, only for you to find out they have run out of the limited availability items. Check your advertisements and times those items are available closely. Try and determine what stores have matching items that also price match and their rules of engagement in your price match end-around, and then purchase at a location and time where the item will not have the whole population of your city lined up seeking the same prize. And do not forget to properly scold any scoundrel GM of a store where they pull those semi-bait and switch tricks (ignore tromping on the heads of the sales clerks over this problem (that is exactlty the impotent gesture the GM will hope for, as usually the clerks are caught up in the same web of grand misdirection you are). Ah but we do not wish to get too in depth about bait and switch as that is another tale worth telling and worth giving the proper recognition deserved.

HAVE A HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!!

(and save me one of those raspberry filled sugar cookies in case I am late getting to the mall)

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Responses

  1. 😀 Let it Snow – Let It Snow – Let it Snow! 😀

  2. Two comments about your post:

    1. Yes, gas stations DO offer gift certificates. Yesterday I was a the local Caseys and the guy ahead of me at the checkout was buying $500 worth of Caseys gas gift certificates.

    2. Every day I fall to my knees and thank the gods for Al Gore who invented the internet, so that I may be spared the horrors of Black Friday, which you have so accurately described.

  3. Oh My, you have fallen under the spell of the almost omniscient and omnipotent Goracle? Where is your spirit of adventure? Pushing and shoving your way through impassable obstacles like a knight on a quest, as you hunt for the Holy Grail of presents. Can’t you already smell and taste the bloody carnage? The thrill of the kill as you score that last “tickle me elmo” while others lay sprawled out on the floor disheveled, wailing and beaten, kicked to the side like a rotting corpse as you continue your righteous mission. Oh for the return to those sacred days of K-Mart blue-light special nights. Other young children like me huddled to the side eyes wide open like dinner plates as grown women kicked and clawed at each other stomping over store clerks that got in their way as they rushed toward the announced treasures location. The pure brutality and butchery as normally sensible intelligent women had to be separated from each other with bloody clumps of hair clenched in their fists. Ahhh, don’t you just love the smell of Mayhem at Midnight. 😈

  4. Black Friday is another version of the influence of the media creating a case of “The madness of the herds.” People are becoming so accustomed to being bombarded by advertisement 24/7, that a part of the brain tells them to buy, buy, buy. Common sense goes out the window. I, myself fell under the spell of advertisement, when I bought 6 Chia pets last year to give as gifts.

    Jeff

  5. I can believe it, Jeff. I still remember the chaos during K-Marts blue light specials. It was bizarre to say the least. One of the funniest moments I ever had was as a kid listening to a woman coming back from one of the blue light scrambles telling her friends she had managed to secure three sets of fireplace tools. And one of her friends then replied; but you don’t own a fireplace. The look on the womans face was priceless. She saved face by saying she would probably give a couple of them away as Christmas presents. Blue light night always seemed to be full of people that would temporarily lose all sense of sanity.

  6. No Black Friday Brick and Mortar for me or my wife – we are doing the majority of my shopping on line from this list of on line e-tailors as our dollar goes farther and we don’t have to spend any gas or travel time.


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