Posted by: thescoundrel | December 16, 2007

Best Fruitcake Ever – So I am Told


What is Christmas without the gift that seems to hang around forever, fruitcake? During the Christmas season they are everywhere and often mailed across the country as treasured gifts. I am not a big fan of fruitcake but Jewel Food used to have a fiesta cake style fruit-cake, that was really good. But I am also not a fan of the taste of booze, so in general I stay away from fruitcakes. Still the Christmas season has not started until I have been e-mailed or handed an office copy of a recipe for a “best ever fruitcake”. Strangely all the recipe directions seem to be familar. So here is the latest incarnation I have received.

FRUIT CAKE RECIPE

1 cup butter

2 cups brown sugar

4 eggs

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup orange juice

3 cups pecan halves

2 cups chopped dried apricots

2 cups golden raisins

2 cups chopped dates

1 bottle Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take out a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Your palate should now be cleansed so repeat and test another cup of the whiskey. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Beat off the mixer.Break two leggs and add to the bowl and jump n cup of drier fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of something. Dodn’t mutter. Check the whiskey. Now sift the oraange juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

NEXT MORNING TOSS OUT THE CAKE AS EVERYONE KNOWS THERE IS JUST ONE FRUITCAKE AND IT JUST KEEPS BEING PASSED AROUND THE COUNTRY AS A GIFT.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Ooooooh! Can’t wait to try this new recipe!

    Also, your new Christmas (holiday?) decorations are quite eye-catching and festive. Very nice.

  2. haha, love the last line. i don’t fancy fruitcakes either – give me gingerbread cookies any day! 😛

    and nice theme change!

  3. Glad ya’ll like it. I should have perused the Word Press Christmas theme options earlier. The pickings were scarce but I really liked this one.

    Actually the fruitcake ingredients are for real; the directions are only destructions though.

    Yeah other than that Jewel Fiesta cake (and they do not make that anymore) I have not found many fruitcakes to my liking. But then I am not really into the taste of booze and top quality fruitcakes are saturated with high quality whiskey. I guess I am a sham(e) to my x% of Irish/Scots heritage as I have no fancy for beer, liquor/spirits or wine. Although I have several cousins that more than take up my slack.

    I can’t really say I am much for gingerbread cookies either but I am an addict for fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and sugar cookies filled with raisin filling or other fruit fillings. But that is the nice thing about Christmas cookies there is a flavor to fit almost anyones taste buds. I have been putting off cooking any until it gets closer to Christmas so I don’t eat them all before Santa comes. Probably the same reason I keep putting off driving out to Chocolate Manor and getting some Christmas chocolate candy. If I buy it too soon I have no will power around good grade chocolate candy or fresh baked cookies. (One for cooling rack headed for the cookie jar then two hot cookies for the tummy as they come off the pan. Repeat pattern until full tummy or the cookies are all separated.)

  4. Yeah, I knew the “directions are only destruction”, so I guess I should have used one of these thingees 😀 so you’d know that I knew it was a ho!ho!ho!, er, I mean ha!ha!ha! (or maybe hee!hee!hee!)

    I also wait ’til the last minute for cookie baking and fudge making. I’m not a big fan of cookies and candy myself, but the other people who live in this house are DEATH on ’em!

  5. Nope you were cool, I understood without the 🙂 .


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: