Posted by: thescoundrel | December 19, 2007

The Gender of God

If you look at the World it is easy to tell that God is a male. First thing to consider is that a supreme being is not gonna have the sames sense of time as mankind. During the time it takes God to sneeze, a decade has probably rolled by. Which is the very pattern of maledom. We do not get in a hurry when it comes to completing tasks. We yawn, we stretch, we scratch, make sure all out equipment is working correctly, we checkout the surroundings then lay back down and take another nap before supper. Thats how God works. He wakes up in the morning then looks down and remembers that he got ticked off at some evil doers and turned on the washing machine to clean-up the planet and says, “Shoot I was gonna fix that great flood problem before I went to bed, I’ll have to get right on that after lunch.” And forty days and nights pass until he finally gets around to patching the sky and turning off the water works. Now if God had been a woman, the job probably would not have been put off in the first place. She would have just kicked the law breakers off the planet, gave everything a good wash with a heavy rain and got back to the job of running the Universe, all within a 24 hour period. And even if the job had been missed, the next day she would have put breakfast on the stove & fresh biscuits in the oven, made sure the moon was tucked away for a good nights sleep, woke up the Sun and got it slowly moving over the horizon and then patched the leaky sky all while the breakfast food was cooking. Thats what women do, their gender is full of classic overachievers. You can tell God is a man because he just lists the problem and drops in his his job jar and says I get that a little later. It’s a man thing. So he boasts “Right now I am a busy man as I have a whole Universe to run and an important meeting to get to on the golf course with some insect’s I am busy evolving on the second planet in a galaxy on the far side of the Universe.” Thats how guys handle problems we are always looking at the big picture. Now if it had been a woman and she realized she had some insects to evolve on a far away planet, then she would have reached down from the sky and grabbed some guys on the planet by the ears and said, “I have some errands to run, now you get off your lazy bums because I need you to do this, this and this and get that problem fixed while I go out and evolve these critters. I expect that to be done when I call back in before noon. Lunch is in the refrigerator just heat it up. If it is not done don’t expect any supper or nooky later on. See you tonight.” Then she would have went off to work and to save the Universe. Now if God had been a woman and after she said that – then whatever task she had assigned would probably have been finished, the keys words being telling a guy – no meal and no nooky. The other reason you can tell God is a male and not a female, is childbirth. No female would even consider putting another female through the nine month process of birthing a child. That to be followed up with following lengthy period of feeding and changing diapers. Plus another 18 years of nurturing and raising the kid. (Unless the child is male, then it becomes a lifelong task until she can find some other female to marry the male so she can pass off the job.) No it is obvious that if God had been female, the whole process would not have involved so much pain, suffering and work entitlement for the woman. And when she looks up to the sky and asks, why? She gets the answer, because I am a man baby, you will have to figure it out because I got a Universe to run!



  1. haha, it’s funny! i bet i would have laughed harder if i could actually read it without squinting for the lack of paragraphs… *ahem*


  2. Shhh! Ya never know when one of your old teachers might be cruising the Internet! I don’t need anymore grammar reprimands from one of them.

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