Posted by: thescoundrel | February 25, 2008

And The Envelope Please…

All the votes are in. They have been tabulated. They have been checked, rechecked and verified by a reputable accountant firm. Let the drums roll, the trumpets blare and the fanfare begin as I announce the final huge winner of last nights Hollyweird Extravaganza, christened the Oscars. And the real winner is….. ME!!! Yahoo!!! The winner was I because –I– did not watch even one second of the longest, most boring, most pompous, most duplicitous, most narcissistic annual event on television.

(There were no Oscar Baiting incidents, unnecessary violence, car crashes, gun-shooting, ritualistic sacrifices, extensive bloviating, self-serving hypocritical political messages, disingenuous speeches of gratitude or any animals injured – intentionally or otherwise – in the making of this message! There was also NO —> massive amounts of fossil fuels expended, extreme quantities of electricity wasted, air polluted with the smell of expensive perfumes-colognes-cigarettes-cigars or other similar oxygen toxins, gratuitous nudity or sex, ridiculously large amounts of cash -that could have helped Angelina Jolie feed starving children for decades in some third world country- senselessly spent for overpriced tuxedos and gowns nor were there any wastefully gargantuan parties full of pretentious individuals overindulging in alcohol, noise and air pollution (oops- strike the air pollution last nights raw broccoli is kicking in), squandered food or any illegal narcotics consumed before, during or after the circumstance of events getting this announcement to you!)

Thank you for listening, I am theScoundrel and I approved this message!

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