Posted by: thescoundrel | August 7, 2008

Killer Sentenced to a Lifetime of Fast Food

The City of Portland Oregon has taken the path less trodden in order to get a murder conviction. Instead of a normal trial and series of appeals, they have struck a plea bargain –>where the defendant has greed to plead guilty to murder and a life sentence as long as he is served KFC chicken, Popeye’s chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, calzones, lasagna, pizza, carrot cake and ice cream instead of traditional prison food! Wow! It sounds a bit pricey -but- considering the expense of trials and appeals they probably got off cheap. The prison budget will probably not appreciate the deal. Of course it probably will not make the prison warden and guards all that happy either since they will be required to make special arrangements in getting the food to the prisoner. I imagine that it will not make many of the inmates already incarcerated in whichever prison he lands at happy either, especially when they notice the special cuisine they will not have access to also. On the upside it could win him friends, associates and bubba protection should he choose to share his feast with well-matched fellow inmates. It sounds like a sweet deal except nanny politics and the ACLU will probably stick their nose in the deal crying cruel and unusual punishment over all that fast food consumption.



  1. Forget death by electric chair, death by chocolate is the new way to go! It’s the new black, which will probably cheer up both the crims and emos everywhere 😛

  2. Death by Chocolate sounds like a plan. Really though I have to imagine some of the long term convicts are not going to be happy with this arrangement. I suspect this individual will need an armed guard just to eat. And I am not sure of the process for a maximum security prison, which is where I assume he will wind up, but the last time I took things into a medium security prison, it had to go through an extensive search process by the prison security. Heck by the time the guards are through inspecting all his fries will be gone through taste testing or frozen to the wrapper.

  3. Good thing it didn’t happen around here. He would have been sentenced to church, and he’d have to buy this own gravy.

  4. Sounds like my dream-diet…

    McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Popeye’s (red beans & rice), chocolate shakes, etc.

  5. 😆 Yeah courts often hand down some puzzling “justice”.
    They don’t serve gravy at your church functions Cruiser? 😉

    Tiger, I am not big on McDonalds, I suppose because I worked at North Park too long before they put in the food court. Once in awhile when I am in crunch-time I will have one of their double cheeseburgers or fish sandwiches. I like their fish, mostly because I like their tartar sauce, and I can tolerate their hamburger selection. I actually like some of the offering from Taco Bell. If they are fresh their Chulpa Supremes are pretty good. I also like their bean burrito and their half-pound beef and potato burrito. Most of the rest of their menu is tolerable. I actually miss Popeyes fried chicken. It is one of my favorite fast foods. I was disappointed when they closed down the ones in the QC. I haven’t had any Popeyes Chicken in over a decade. Still I was never big on their rice menu items since most of the rice was “dirty rice” made with livers and gizzards. Not my cup of tea.

    Maybe this will set a new trend in convicting criminals. Of course if they can get the state to pay for a life of fast food it could start a trend where addicted fast foodies start confessing to crimes they did not commit just to feed their habit.

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