Posted by: thescoundrel | October 4, 2008

Coca Cola – Strippers and Fleas Together in Scientific Fame


What do Coca Cola, Strippers and Fleas have in common? Well they also share a common link with armadillos, potato chips and plant loving Swiss. They have all received alternative awards to the “Noble Prize” for scientific exploration by a science humor magazine called “Annals of Improbable Research”. According to a Maggie Fox Reuters/Yahoo article a scientist and her colleagues were awarded an lg Noble prize for her working proving that Coca Cola acted as a spermicide by causing sperm to explode. Of course it had to be applied directly since otherwise those little sperm critters were too fast for it to be an effective birth control device. It seems Coke even kills the AIDS virus. And here I have just been using it to drink with my meals or using the syrup to calm the occasional cough. Who knew Coke was so versatile and medicinal even though it no longer contains coca? Maybe things do go better with Coke! Other winners included a economic study group proving that strippers earned bigger tips when they at their peak fertility levels. Dang and I thought they got all my wasted youth money because they danced naked. Another group proved that people would eat stale chips as long as you played potato chip crunching noises while they ate them. No accounting for taste. And a win for dog owners -I think- when a group proved that dog fleas jump higher that cat fleas. Ahh makes me wanna sing “Food Around the Corner” (this reference only of relevance to those that like really old Merrie Melodies cartoons). And them pesky tunneling armadillos won for a group of Brazilian scientists that proved that armadillo tunneling habits created risks for archaeologists. This sounds like a job for chef and author Anthony Bourdain! Eat another armadillo for archaeologists around South America and the South West USA Tony! But perhaps the most honored, the Peace Prize went to the Swiss Federal Ethics Committee on Non-Human Biotechnology who according to Fox adopted a legal principle giving plants moral standing and dignity. Does this mean they can file a stay of execution for the broccoli I plan on having for dinner? I also wonder is Viagra set to become administered by airlines since it won one of last years awards proving hamster recovered quicker from jet lag after being dosed with Viagra. You also have to wonder how much government grant money was involved in some of these studies? Hey –> Inquiring Minds need to and wanna know!!!!!!!!!!!!

No government grant pork from the recent Wall Street bailout was spent in the writing of this post by theScoundrel. Though I am eagerly hoping and waiting that maybe USA legislators could spare me some of that fine golden treasure government pork barrel money they hand out so dutifully. Heck I spent much of my wayward youth, along with the Bush Deranged, scientifically studying the nocturnal habits of strippers. It would only take few million dollars, that should cover some new scientific studies over the next few years.

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Responses

  1. Interesting information about the cartoon “An Itch in Time” at this link.

  2. good insight on coca-cola

  3. As someone who also did a lot of unfunded studies on strippers and Coke in my youth, great post.

  4. Yeah my mom and grandmother always wanted me to go into law and politics. I should have listened. I could have gotten the taxpayers to pay for my youthful nocturnal studies if I had. 😆

  5. Amen to that. We did come to a conclusion though on your previous post- if women really dispise women who are prettier than themselves, Sandra Bernhard must really hate a lot of women.

  6. This post and the comments were great. I laughed out loud several times. Keep up the good work!

  7. Shocking Expose of the Connection of Coca-Cola, Strippers and Fleas: If Scoundrel Doesn’t Do It, Who Will?

    Just like PBS, eh? 😀

  8. Hey I always wanted to be on the staff of the National Inquirer when I was a kid! Quasi News rules!

  9. That’s all brand new information to me 😉

    I’m not a specialist in the matter of Coke, Strippers and Fleas (thanks for linking the dots), but if you want to find out more about the connection between Coca-Cola, Art & Young Talent, check out our blog.


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