Posted by: thescoundrel | February 26, 2010

The Challenges of Man


I was working on a different post but the links are all busy so I have decided to post some MAN humor and MAN wisdom! The following humor and wisdom is courtesy of a six year old e-mail I was sent and whose content I saved. The original authors are unknown by me. Enjoy!!!!

The Jest

CLASSES FOR MEN (Probably Suggested by Women)–>

AT OUR LOCAL LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS SIGN UP BY MARCH 25TH.

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS,EACH COURSE WILL ACCEPT A MAXIMUM OF 8 PARTICIPANTS EACH.

  • Topic 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. — Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
  • Topic 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself? — Round Table Discussion.
  • Topic 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor/Walls/Nearby Bathtub? — Group Practice.
  • Topic 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor. — Pictures/Explanatory Graphics.
  • Topic 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink? — Examples on Video
  • Topic 6: Loss of Identity – Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other. — Help Line Support and Support Groups
  • Topic 7: Learning How to Find Things – Starting with Looking in the Right Places Instead of Turning the House Upside Down While screaming. — Open Forum.
  • Topic 8: Health Watch – Bringing her Flowers is Not Harmful to Your Health. — Graphics and Audio Tapes.
  • Topic 9: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost. — Real Life Testimonials.
  • Topic 10: Is it Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly While she Parallel Parks? — Driving Simulations
  • Topic 11: Learning to Live – Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and Role-Playing.
  • Topic 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. — Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
  • Topic 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy – Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going to be Late. — Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
  • Topic 14: The Stove/Oven – What it is and How it is Used. — Live demonstration.

** Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.**

Ancient Wisdom – Time waits for no man –>

“Time is a created thing. To say “I don’t have time” is like saying, “I don’t want to…”
– Lao-Tzu

I’m always surprised by the number of people who ask, “Where does all the time go, and why don’t we have enough?” Sometimes it seems as though a “Time Bandit” steals our minutes when we’re not looking and leaves us short at the end of the week.

The truth is that we control where our time goes. Time is finite. We only get 168 hours a week… fifty-two weeks a year. Time is a gift that most of us take for granted.

Most of us work a fifty-five hour week if we count the time spent at the office, commuting, preparing for work, and worrying about work. And that’s not including the twenty-four hour job of parenting for those of you with children.

If we add to that an average of fifty hours per week spent sleeping, we’re left with sixty-three hours for shopping, cooking, cleaning, exercising, self-care, errands, fun, friends, family, volunteering and so on. No wonder time seems in short supply!

When you realize that you are in charge of your life and your time is limited, your choices become more important. Care more about what you say “yes” to and what you say “no” to. After all, if you don’t say “yes”, the schedule doesn’t fill! Talking about schedules, I’m off to the gym. It’s Day 72 of my “Extreme Makeover.” (Otherwise known as my P.F.P Physical Fatness Program)

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Responses

  1. I like the post. Time is a weird thing that a lot of people don’t think about except, as you say, when it’s gone.

  2. Good luck with your PFP—even under normal conditions it’s tough to keep it up, but
    considering the brutal winter we’ve had, it takes some serious willpower.

    I’m not a Fitness Freak, but I try to at least do the minimum. When the weather is decent, it’s easy to swim, walk and hike and I enjoy being outside.

    During the winter, I try to force myself to use our treadmill, but I hate that thing—when I’m on it I feel like a hamster on a wheel—I’m moving, but I’m going nowhere!

    Finally, a couple of weeks ago, I was going stir-crazy, so I decided to bundle up like Nanook Of the North and go down to the the bike path to walk. Sure, it was cold, but it felt good to be out in the sun and fresh air. I had never been down by the river during winter, so I had never heard the Mississippi “crunch” before.

    I’ve been doing this ever since—the only downside is dodging the goose poop! 🙂


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