Posted by: thescoundrel | October 26, 2010

Sometimes (Common Vulgarity) Does Not Happen

Caution the following post may contain objectionable language and adult content! Proceed with caution!

😉 You have been warned!! 😉

Most of the issues I discuss tend to  be serious to semi-serious topics. On occasion they delve into the satire and ridicule that surround events that the media exposes of the commonplace Keystone Cop antics; US politicians pretend is their important mission in life. Sometimes I post about the comedy of personal life.  Today I am taking another walk down the personal road of blogging -in this case, another semi-comedic review of the trials and tribulations faced when you reach the age of 29+ years old-  thus my previous warning about adult content.

As I have stated before – once you hit the BIG 29+ – you learn to appreciate some of the everyday body mechanics taken for granted during the budding of youth. For those of us 29+ year-olds that remember him – George Burns aptly sang a typical life saga in his ballad “I Wish I was Eighteen Again”.  One thing becomes clearer as we reach 29+ the old adage – “Shit Happens”  begins a metamorphosis into  “Shit doesn’t happen”!!! In keeping with that train of thought here is another set of musings and introspection about the process of aging!

  • Cooking from sumptuous meals from scratch becomes less common and replaced by fast-food takeout and convenience foods
  • Fart sounds and their odor are no longer funny – just inconvenient
  • The routine walk and trips to the gym are replaced by insincere anticipations of a better attitude tomorrow – more often than not tomorrow never comes
  • Work becomes toil and a means of survival instead of an adventure in life
  • Body parts can become suspect as they creak with the arrival of exertion issues -sometimes to the point of a complete labor stoppage
  • You wonder how to transfer the hair from your chest and back to the top of your head
  • You question your rituals of showering and shaving
  • The formally unacceptable pattern of three-day stubble and faux-beards become acceptable grooming habits
  • The morning mediation at the porcelain stool can become a struggle of faith
  • The daily sacrificial offerings of meat, cheese and starches to the temple are supplemented and even replaced by more fibrous offerings
  • The morning wood begins to uncontrollably sway in the wind
  • The  body’s stature creates a shade no longer favorable to the fresh shrubbery that once flourished near its proximity.
  • Sexy women are more fun to think about than actually chase and court
  • The prose someone scribed on the bathroom-wall  “No matter how hot she is, someone somewhere is sick of her bullshit” becomes prophetic literature.
  • The speed of life seems to accelerate exponentially towards the speed of light and you question how the time has disappeared.
  • You find it less tiresome to write and blog from the comfort zone of your home -about the intrinsic of life- than actually taking part in face-to-face day-to-day battles while bumping uglies with the Grim Reapers of false prophets.

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  1. lol, It isn’t any better at 59.

  2. Just what I wanted to hear! 😥

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