Posted by: thescoundrel | November 29, 2011

I Shopped on Cyber Monday


It was not as exhilarating of a roller-coaster ride experience as braving Black Friday can be. But then I didn’t have to waste my Thanksgiving Holiday by joining feral  mobs gathered outside in the freezing cold, while surviving on rations of rodent tartar and pooled cement pond liquids foraged from the parking lots/Tent City/Outhouses of the Big Box Stores. Nope. Instead I waited until Monday and from inside the heated comfort of my home with two bathrooms; I was consuming mass quantities of Mt. Dew, hot meals, Moon Pies and Almonds while I spent Monday Afternoon surfing the Internet to purchase Christmas presents. And a process that normally creates days upon days of endless shopping, eating numerous inedible fast food meals plus generates an expense approaching a kings ransom to keep my vehicle traveling from store to store comparing bargains was over 80% finished – using the less excruciating experience of Cyber Monday. Nor was I crowded up against shoppers – unhygienic from living 24 hours or more  in a Big Box Shanty.  Neither was I pushed, shoved, attacked or pepper-sprayed during my online shopping excursion. Did I get the big bargains I would have by going out on Black Friday – probably not. But 29+ years on this planet have taught me that bargains are mostly in your head, as most sales are just the same numbers regurgitated in a different configuration. That is one of the reasons companies can feel  comfortable offering price guarantees on their products.  Are there some huge one-of-a-kind savings during any shopping frenzy? You bet there are always some great buys used as leaders to attract crowds. More often than not those products -though a great bargain- are outdated and/or limited quantities. The only real loss for me is that I actually get fascinated when observing the shopping madness that turns shy little soccer-moms and walker-grannies into raging Godzillas in search of the next Blue Light  Special; as long as the violence is controlled and kept below the Ali-Frazier “Thrilla in Manila“.  But since I Cybered Monday, I will be done with my holiday purchases in a manner of days. That means I will have plenty of time to wander the Big Box Stores at a distance, practicing the Star Trek Prime Directive of non-interference, while I observe and ponder the holiday shopping rituals of  humans regressing to primeval states of existence and survival tactics.


Responses

  1. The wife tried the Black Friday thing once and said never again. We did venture out early this morning and while the super deals weren’t there, the crowds weren’t either.

  2. I think I saw you; you had the Taser, right?

  3. Cruiser, I have been on both sides of the Black Friday event and my opinion is that the Black Friday event can only truly be appreciated as an observer.

    Ghost a taser might only incite the crowd into a BF stampede. I would highly reccomend leaving it behind!😉


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